Being recovered is like being the star of the movie. No longer do I constantly watch my body in reflections and mental replays. No longer do I criticize my earth suit. Today I experience my body - by riding a scooter, swimming in the lake, playing volleyball with friends. Today I love my earth suit because to do anything else is to buy into the system of oppression that held me captive in the first place.
Recovery is a not a full-time job, it’s a 24/7 job. It often starts before you open your eyes in the morning and sometimes it even invades your dreams. It can be like walking up a scree slope, 3 steps forwards and 2 steps back will yield you but an inch of progress. Sometimes you slide far down the scree before you can get purchase and re-set. Recovery can be exhausting. Demanding. Overwhelming.
When you start to move into recovery, two things can be true. There can be a part of you – the real soul self you – that wants to do something like choose a certain food or exercise...and, your ED can get a kick out of it too.
Eating disorders have PhDs in arguments. They are lighting fast with comebacks, sense any hesitation, and will go right for the jugular, every time. They are also masters at starting arguments, with a seemingly innocent statement...