I’m doing way better than I was. 80% of recovery is good enough.
I hear this one a LOT from clients. My response to this is always, ‘you can’t be kind of pregnant. You either are or you aren’t. You can choose to do ‘a little bit of your eating disorder’ if you want to but there is no such thing as a little bit of an eating disorder because the truth is, an eating disorder is like a termite. It chews away at your insides until one day your house (life) falls down around you. So no, 80% doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for birthing a baby, for driving to work, for going to the toilet or handing in an essay. The fact your ED is trying to get you to do 80% is a big red warning sign it is gearing up for an attack on your recovery.’
I can’t recover, I’ve tried before and failed.
So did babies when they first learned to walk. And talk. And tie their shoelaces. And feed themselves. Did you know Michael Jordan missed more shots in basketball games than he got? Yet he’s a champion. Because he took more shots, he got more. When he missed he got back up. Part of recovery is falling on your butt then getting back up. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Or eighteen. Or eight hundred. The only people who will truly never ever recover are the ones who give up. For those that stay in the game and keep fighting, they are on the path to recovery.
I don’t have the kind of support other people do.
I’m sorry. That sucks and it’s hard and it feels unfair and impossible and...there are people out there who have recovered without any type of traditional treatment or support. Check out our Recovered Voices video blogs on our resource page. Brooke Farrington, Melissa Koch, Nicole Cruz, Carolyn Costin, Amanda Koplin...these are all people that did it on their own. Yes, it took them longer than if they had had treatment and support. Yes they are recovered. They did it, you can too.
That’s fine for you. You might have recovered but you don’t know my eating disorder, it’s something else.
Huh. You didn’t know mine.
The fight isn’t between you and me. The fight is between your eating disorder and your healthy self.
It’s been too long. I’ve been sick for X years. This is just my destiny.
Let me introduce you to one of my clients who had an eating disorder for 58 years. She is in strong recovery for the very first time ever. She’s amazing and a joy to watch as she experiences life as though for the first time.
I want recovery, I just want a different body.
Imagine you wanted a different shaped humorous bone. Or tibia. That would seem kind of funny, right? Your eating disorder is trying to convince you that your body is the problem. You have tried that. Probably several times over. It didn’t work.
What if you tried the theory that rather than your body being the problem, that your mind was the issue? If we could change your mind about your body, how would that change your recovery?
What if I don’t like my set point?
Let’s talk about THAT. Can you imagine if your Labrador didn’t like their set point. Or your cat. If they restricted their food or threw it up or exercised compulsively. What would you do? I’m guessing you would let them know you loved them. That the least interesting thing about them was their size. That if they changed weight or shape you wouldn’t love them less...in fact you might even enjoy them more as you could be present together.
Where did you learn that weight was so important? By buying into this idea society has at the moment about weight and shape and size being important, what does that do for the thousands of young people coming after us? How does you buying into it leave the world a better place for them to fully bloom?
Have other ED resistance questions you would like Kristie to answer? Feel free to email in with questions or blog topics.