We tend to look at others' bodies with longing. We view them as perfect or at least better than our own. This is because we are looking at their body as a whole without a bias towards negativity and in general the whole is mainly positive. We see other people’s bodies are wonderful because they are wonderful, all bodies are, including ours. When our vision is clouded by the negativity bias, we are unable to see our own beauty. But just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
The high of being recovered is a thousand times higher than any high I ever had in my eating disorder. Sometimes storms don’t come to destroy our life. They come to clear a path. My path asked me to make peace with being alone, feel my feelings and lean into true freedom.
Being recovered is like being the star of the movie. No longer do I constantly watch my body in reflections and mental replays. No longer do I criticize my earth suit. Today I experience my body - by riding a scooter, swimming in the lake, playing volleyball with friends. Today I love my earth suit because to do anything else is to buy into the system of oppression that held me captive in the first place.
Recovery is a not a full-time job, it’s a 24/7 job. It often starts before you open your eyes in the morning and sometimes it even invades your dreams. It can be like walking up a scree slope, 3 steps forwards and 2 steps back will yield you but an inch of progress. Sometimes you slide far down the scree before you can get purchase and re-set. Recovery can be exhausting. Demanding. Overwhelming.